Tag Archive: communication styles

No No Nancy Strikes Again

December 11, 2017Blog, , , , , , , , , ,

Season Two, Episode Six. Podcast recap! (And if you missed the podcast, you can find it here.)

Podcast Recap: Season 2, Episode 6

Every Office Has One

This week on the podcast we tackle that one person in the office that makes everyone groan. No, not Peter with all his horrible Dad jokes. No, we gave Peter the week off.  Instead we are talking about “No No Nancy”.  She’s negative. She hates change. She’s a downer. She doesn’t like new things.  She doesn’t even like old things.  She definitely doesn’t like you.  She says “No” a lot  – and her behaviour is a drag.

As always, our guiding principle here at Whiteboard is to seek to understand, so we should probably start with trying to uncover why some people have that negative style and others don’t.

Is the negativity a result of  personality preferences?

According to Myers-Briggs theory, people with a preference for Sensing (S) typically need factual, real, observable data in order for them to consider it trustworthy information.  Their personality opposites, those with a preference for Intuition (N), tend to trust information on the big picture and possibilities.

When our big picture thinkers (N) bring ideas/concepts/changes to our fact folks (S), the latter typically respond with a barrage of questions. These questions, used simply to get more data, information, and facts, are commonly interpreted by N’s as REALLY NITPICKY AND NEGATIVE: What’s the cost per night? Whats the weather that time of year? What was the data from last year? etc etc.

They aren’t meant to be negative, but that’s how they sound to their counterparts. As Ruth, Whiteboard’s resident S says, it’s “No for now, until you can prove otherwise”.

Similarly – S’s might start off proposals for change and meet with a similar perception of negativity from their N counterparts: What’s the big picture? How does this link to the strategy? Have you thought of other ideas? etc. And the perception is the same – a negative response that is a huge drag.

How to Deal?

If you’ve identified your No No or Negative Nancy as someone who just needs more data, BRING MORE DATA. As I (Nicole) mentioned, I deal with my seemingly super nitpicky, annoying husband who loves facts, data, and observations (love you babe) by always bringing facts and data with my ideas about which I want him to make decisions.  You know, like spreadsheets of vacation options with a zillion columns.

If you are the data driven realist trying to appeal to a big picture seeking N, can you give some thought to strategy and future possibilities to accompany your data and appeal to their thinking style?

This is all fine and dandy – but what if this isn’t a personality issue because there seems to be more going on?  Is it possible Nancy’s No’s are the result of some past experiences that are triggering a negative behaviour response? Or said differently…..

Once Bitten, Twice Shy

So this particular negativity comes from people who are impacted by past history/experience. Now the big question is how do we differentiate between the two sources of negativity, and more importantly does it matter? Let’s use Neville (Ruth’s Harry Potter obsession is really taking over…) as an example.

Every time Neville hears about a project he rolls his eyes, mutters under his breath, and is just generally grumbly.  Is he just being difficult because of past experience? Is he looking for the data? How can we find out?

Use open ended statements like:

Tell me more…..Help me understand…

to “peel back the layers of the onion” and find out.

You might hear:

  • I don’t understand it.
  • I don’t see the logic.
  • I don’t see the research.

Tell me about a time when this did work?

This is an Appreciative Inquiry technique that helps people focus on the art of the possible.

Either you’ll hear some positive ideas that you can work with, or, you might hear:

  • This always happens.
  • This never works.
  • I’m tired of all this.

This sounds like change fatigue, or previous examples of change that haven’t worked well or caused some workflow issues.

In this case you might want to find out where the person is in their journey for change? Maybe set some expectations about your topic.

But wait there’s more (like a great infomercial).

What if you hear:

  • I’m really mad about [insert unreasonable scenario that no one should be mad about here].
  • I can’t stand [insert really nice person who seems to just be driving Neville nuts].
  • Can you believe [insert really normal story that shouldn’t be alarming at all].

Sounds like maybe this is just a case of the MONDAYS. Sounds like this is just a grumpy day and will probably pass. Might be a good day to let someone just vent and be grouchy and not worry about this type of negativity bringing down the office culture too drastically.

BESPOKE COACHING

At the end of the day. Who’s on the “Bus to Change” with you? Who’s slashing the tires? Who’s grumpy in the back? And who’s gleefully singing songs at the front of the bus?

Deal with your negative Nancy’s/Neville’s/Nanette’s in respective order to their potential damage to your bus destination.  Before you come to a solution:

  1. Seek to understand,
  2. Then give info (if required), and/0r
  3. Then coach, and/or
  4. Give advice/support, and finally, if all else fails:
  5. Be directive.

The moral of this episode is….just because the symptoms sound the same (negativity), doesn’t mean the solution is the same.

You have to investigate and find the source of the negativity in order to deal with it effectively.  Listen to the podcast for Ruth’s Dog Bark/Tail analogy.

Next week on the blog we fire Peter.  Well not exactly – but we tell you what firing Peter might be like and how to prepare.

And we give you a sneak peek on Season 3 of the podcast! So keep on listening.

Until next time….

Nicole

 

Peter is Crying. What Do You Do?

November 15, 2017Blog, , , , , , ,

Season Two, Episode Four. Podcast recap! (And if you missed the podcast, you can find it here.)

Podcast Recap: Season 2, Episode 4

Remember our poor imaginary employee Peter? Well, today we want you to imagine that he is now standing in front of you, in your office, weeping. He is distraught, using up your kleenex, and looking at you not know what to say or how to say it, and yet imploring you to help.

I guarantee that if you manage or supervise people, this has happened to you, or will happen to you some day, and you need to know what to do and how to handle the situation.

Shouldn’t Peter Leave His Troubles At Home?

Maybe 30 or more years ago, sure. Back then it was NOT ok to bring your troubles at work – you were expected to be a “big boy” or “big girl,” and “leave it at the door.”

Well, that’s not the case anymore. Now it is acceptable to “bring your whole self to work” and be who you are. If that’s not enough of a reason to hear Peter out, then here are three more reasons why you should make sure you know what to do if someone comes to you stressed out and/or emotional about something that has nothing to do with work:

  1. At the minimum, Peter will not perform well for you if something is causing him to become emotional in the workplace. And guess what – you are responsible for the performance of your team.
  2. You have a legal obligation, at least in Ontario and in many other places, to ensure that your employees are safe from bullying and harrassment, and this includes understanding whether there is an issue with domestic violence that could come to work. (See Bill 168 here.)
  3. It’s the right thing to do. As a human being it is appropriate to find out what is troubling this person and to make sure that they get the help and support they need. Note that this does NOT mean that you have to be their therapist!

OK, So What Do I Do Other Than Have Kleenex Ready?

Having an emotional person in your office is not unlike having an angry person, which we talked about a couple of episodes ago (read the blog recap here). It’s important to listen and convey understanding and empathy so that you can diffuse the emotion and get to the point where you can discuss what needs to happen. The LESTER tool works great for this!

  • Listen. Don’t talk. Just listen.
  • Echo. Repeat back what Peter said so you can confirm you know exactly what he’s upset about.
  • Sympathize/Empathize. Let Peter know you know how awful this must be for him, and then move on to the next step. The danger here is to start swapping stories of when it happened to you. Suddenly you become like a therapist to Peter, and he’s in your office every day, and nothing is getting resolved.
  • Thank. Tell Peter you’re glad he came to you.
  • Evaluate. Consider some solutions to help. This is important: avoid saying, “What can I do to help?” This can result in Peter dumping things on you with great relief. Instead, ask “What needs to happen to help you through this?” Now Peter can own at least some of the responsibility of solving his own issues. (Note that depending on the issue you may want to check in with your HR department and let them know what’s going on, and just make sure you’ve done everything you should. They can be an excellent resource for you.)
  • Resolve. Confirm the plan, follow up, and check in.

The key here is to ensure Peter is getting the help he needs, not let up on holding him (and yourself) accountable for any action steps, and for following up.

What if Peter’s Performance Doesn’t Improve, Even With My Help?

Well, the reality is that you are not Peter’s therapist, and you ARE responsible for your team’s performance.

If you have done everything you can think of to help Peter, and he is still not improving, then you will need to have a performance discussion. Here is where the ASBI tool will help you structure your conversation to be clear and direct:

  • Ask for permission to have a discussion.
  • Describe the situation.
  • Describe the behaviour.
  • Describe the impact.

This gives Peter the chance to understand that his performance is the issue (not his emotional concerns), and discuss how he can improve it.

If he STILL isn’t improving? Well, now you’re into a formal performance management conversation. Now is the time, if you haven’t already, to call HR and check your organizational policy on this. (If you don’t have an HR department, then check your company’s policy on this. Does Peter need time off?)

Remember, that helping Peter doesn’t mean you have to become a therapist. It means you have to be kind and curious, help Peter get the help he needs, and ensure that your team or organization’s performance isn’t jeopardized in the meantime.

Seek the Happy Path, always. You may end up on the “Almost Happy Path,” and that’s ok too. Just avoid the “Well Intended But Unhappy Path.” That is an energy drainer and doesn’t help anyone in the long run.

Give these tips a try, let us know how it went on Twitter at @whiteboardcons and check out the rest of our podcast series on our homepage at www.whiteboardconsulting.ca.

Until next time,

Ruth.

Why Context Is Critical to Success

August 5, 2016Blog, , , , , , , , , ,

A few weeks ago I spent a wonderful week at my cottage north of Toronto with a really good friend and her awesome kids. We had the best time splashing in the lake, exploring the local town, heading to the beach, eating, sleeping, playing Scattergories, colouring, and just chilling out.

I particularly enjoyed it because it was my first real downtime in a while – even when I’ve been at the cottage other times this summer, I’ve been working on it, readying it for rent through a shared rental service (something I started this year in order to cover rising operating expenses), and not simply enjoying it.

One of the things you have to do when you rent through a third party is to take extra care when preparing the space. This means you don’t just clean and tidy – you fluff pillows, you fold a bright and cheerful dishtowel over the edge of the sink “just so,” you wash the floors, you make smart “hotel corners” on the bedsheets, and you ensure the faucets are sparkling. Why? Because you want that coveted 5 star rating, which will get you more renters.

I have an amazing team who usually looks after this for me, so it was with some dismay that I found myself reverting to my picky nature when tidying and cleaning before my friends and I left to return home.

At one point everything was pretty much done, save cleaning out the fridge and taking out the trash. On my way to the kitchen I walked by the living room and nodded with satisfaction when I saw the blankets properly draped, the pillows smooshed just right, and the magazines fanned out nicely. Then, a few minutes later I walked by again and noticed, to my dismay, the kids flopped out on the sofa and rooting through the coffee table for the colouring book and crayons.

My reaction? Frustration/annoyance/panic (I had to be out by a certain time that morning.)

I did NOT say what first popped into my head. I ended up saying “If you kids mess this up, I’m going to end up cleaning it using YOU as a mop!” This sounded dumb, and elicited giggles, thank goodness. Then I took them on a walk up the driveway to water the flowerpots and look for bears.

And this applies to work how?

Here’s the thing. I believe I was annoyed because “those kids don’t have a clue how much work it is to prepare for the guests! If only they knew!”

If only.

Why didn’t I take the time that day to explain what was going on with all the hustle and bustle and why it was important? I bet they would have not only understood, but offered to help.

The same thing can happen to any leader at work.

We keep things from people because

  • we don’t think they care to know,
  • we don’t think they need to know,
  • we don’t realize they want to know.

I believe most of the time we don’t realize they want to know.

A few years ago I was talking to my team about the upcoming budget requisition season. I launched in to the savings we had to find and how we would work those savings into this year’s process. A couple of people were not paying attention, and I started to get annoyed, but I didn’t say anything.

Later, there were a couple of screw ups. Nothing awful, but to me they seemed obvious and avoidable.

When I met with the team and we talked about what happened and what we could do differently next time, one person spoke up and said, “Ruth, I think it would help if you explained how the whole budget process works. Some of us just don’t know.”

You could have knocked me over with a feather.

Of course they need to know! If they don’t know, how can they understand why the little things are important, which things need to be prioritized, where to get details, and why they should be concerned with the outcome.

Tell the story.

In the absence of information we make things up, and without the right context, we can’t expect everstoryyone to do their best work. It’s up to you to provide the back story and to not just drop people into Chapter 13, expecting them to know how you want the story to turn out.

If you’re seeing spotty results, can you look back at your communications to people and determine whether you started at the beginning of the story?

Some people have been reading the book along with you, and some haven’t. The effective leader knows the difference and covers both situations.

Until next time,

Ruth.

 

Crush Your Next Interview

May 6, 2016Blog, , , , , , ,

interview

The image above shows all the classic things we’ve learned to do before an important meeting or interview.

  1. Dress appropriately. Not only does that mean not “under dressing,” but it also means not “over dressing!” Do your research and then dress one level up.
  2. Arrive in good time. Well, duh.
  3. Body language. Be aware! Assume an open and interested position (arms resting in your lap or on the arms of your chair), don’t check your watch or (heaven forbid) your phone, and above all else, don’t interrupt!
  4. Expect the unexpected. Yup. What if you’re kept waiting 30 minutes? What if you have to do a presentation on the spot? What if it’s super hot in the interview room? Plan to keep your cool in all situations.
  5. Ask questions. For sure. And don’t ask “when will you make your decision,” as if you already have the job. A great one is “what will the most challenging thing be for the successful applicant?”

But those are the standard things. The things you can learn if you google “interview prep” or ask your friend how they got their job.

Secrets to Crushing Any Interview

  1. Use “I” not “we.” Yes, that’s right. Talk about yourself. As someone who has interviewed hundreds of people, I can tell you that when you are asked to “tell me about a time when you led a complicated project with a diverse team,” then I want to know what YOU did specifically. Not what your whole team did. Now is not the time to “share the credit.” For example:
    • Bad answer: I was the project lead for Project X, and we worked together to create SMART goals, communicate effectively, and follow project management principles.
    • Good answer: I was the project lead for Project X, and early on I established the team guidelines. I facilitated the team agreement on goals, coordinated and moderated regular updates, and developed job shadowing practices so that people could fill in for each other during crunch times.
  2. Use action words. In the example above the words “established,” “facilitated,” “coordinated,” “moderated,” and “developed” are all action words. Example: “Tell me about the work you did in your most favourite job?”
    • Bad answer: I loved my job two years ago because I was responsible for team engagement and new employee onboarding and it was very rewarding.
    • Good answer: I loved my job two years ago because I championed team engagement by leading quarterly brainstorming sessions, developing and implementing engagement programs like Job Shadowing for new employees, and facilitating bi-annual engagement feedback sessions with the VP. It was really rewarding to see engagement scores increase and to get positive feedback from the team.
  3. Tell stories. Many interviewers will start a question with “describe a time when you…” Others will start with, “have you ever…” And still others will say things like, “what’s your greatest or worst skill?” Each of these is a chance to tell a story. It will be tempting to answer quickly, but what you want to do is answer in a way they will visualize and remember. Example: “OK, you’ve been telling me about all these things that you do so well, but we all have weaknesses or opportunities to improve. What’s one of yours?
    • Bad answer: I actually don’t have any weaknesses because I have been honing my skills for years. (I’m not kidding. That’s a real answer I got once.)
    • Alternate bad answer: A weakness? Oh. Well, I guess I can get flustered some times when timelines shift quickly, but I am really good at re-configuring my plans so everything comes out ok.
    • Good answer: On a recent project the timelines shifted a few times, as they often do on large projects. By the third time shift I realized that I should be using a different milestone chart that is more adaptable when there are changes. By implementing that, I was able to reduce the frustration I can feel if things shift too frequently.

crushed it

These three tips will help you stand out (in a good way) and increase your likelihood of winning the competition. Have you used any of these before? Let us know on Twitter (@whiteboardcons) using #InterviewPrep!

Until next time,

Ruth.

PS – did you know we offer coaching for interview prep? It’s true. Click here and read all about it.

Advice vs. Coaching

April 1, 2016Blog, , , , , , ,

puzzle

“Oh, I’d love a coach!” said Bob after chatting with Melissa at a cocktail party. “I’ve been looking for one for a few weeks, actually.”

“Cool,” replied Melissa. “What is it that’s triggered you to look for a coach? Something at home? At work?”

“There’s lots going on at work, and I have no idea what to do next,” Bob sighed. “I need someone to tell me what to do.”

Melissa takes a deep breath. She has no intention of telling anyone to do anything – she’s a coach, not an advisor.

Advice vs. Coaching

There are so many people in our lives who will happily tell us what to do. Friends, parents, siblings, co-workers – the list is endless. Some of these people have the experience and technical skills to give us highly valued and valuable advice, and yet it’s interesting – in the end, we follow our own advice.

There are remarkably fewer skilled people who know that you are your own best resource, and who have the ability to help you get out of your own way and find the pathway that resonates with you the most.

Henry Kimsey-House, co-founder of Coaches Training Institute and respected author, has a great way of describing the difference between coaching and advising. (Listen to his ten minute discussion by clicking here.)

Advisors, he says, stand in front of you and face you. You ask them their opinions and they give them to you, based on their experience and background.

Coaches, however, stand next to you, facing the same direction, and look to the horizon saying, “Where do you want to go?”

horizon

So what do I need then – a coach or an advisor?

  1. Do you need help sorting through highly technical issues that require specific areas of knowledge? –> you need an advisor
    • stocks or bonds
    • surgery or medication
    • corporation or partnership
    • skills required to move into a specific role (i.e. mentorship)
  2. Are you trying to decide between a few different options? –> you need a coach to help you pull out the answer that is already in your head, but is hiding behind the swirl of facts and choices and noise
    • take job 1 or job 2
    • quit a job or try a different approach
    • love it or list it (haha – HGTV reference)
  3. Are you trying to figure out what to do next? –> you need a coach to help you plot your course and consider barriers and enablers along the way
    • grow the business now or later, and what’s the first step
    • prepare for retirement
    • land a job you want
    • make a major shift in your life
    • cross something off your bucket list
  4. Are you frustrated in dealing with difficult people? –> you need a coach to help you understand your own styles before you can understand others

It is SO tempting to just have others tell us what to do. And guess what? Even when they tell us, we still have to make the final decision.

Trust an advisor when you need technical advice and information. Trust a coach when you need to sort through options. You’ll be so much more satisfied with the result.

Until next time,

Ruth.

Sometimes the Flavour of the Month is Chocolate. And It’s Good.

February 5, 2016Blog, , , , , , , , , , , , ,

flavour2

If you work for anyone other than yourself, you have probably lived this phrase in some way:

“Ugh – this new initiative is nothing other than the new flavour of the month. It’ll never stick and next year they’ll roll out something else.”

Sound familiar? These words have probably assaulted your ears (or crossed your lips), when the organization is trying with best intentions to make a change or an improvement. The person who is responsible for the change is excited about the initiative, and is frustrated beyond believe with this blasé response from the team.

So why do people say it?

First, a little Change Management theory for you – we know from Dr. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross‘ work that people experience grief in an emotional roller coaster. When Kubler-Ross pioneered the concept of the 5 Stages of Grief, people became aware that grief impacts us all the same way and yet differently too.

In other words, we all go through the stages of Grief (Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and Acceptance), but we may go through them differently. Some may linger in one stage or another, and some may fly through a stage so quickly as to appear to bypass it. The way in which we go through these stages is greatly impacted by our personal resilience, the amount of stress we are dealing with at the moment, and our experiences with grief in the past.

The same is true with change. In fact, Kubler-Ross’ model has been adapted to create the Change Curve, used by Change Management experts, teachers, and coaches. There are several different variations of the curve itself, and we like this one the best:

change curve

You can see the similarity to the 5 Stages of Grief – in this model we have Denial, Anger, Exploration, and Acceptance.

Imagine then, an employee who is not only experiencing change at work, but also at home (spouse has been demoted, child has moved out, parent is ill). This employee, we’ll call him Rob, has been a good worker and has been around for about 15 years. You are Rob’s manager, and very excited about a new program to create a more efficient process for doing the work of Rob and the entire team. When you meet to discuss it, Rob breaks open the “Flavour of the Month” remark, and the team snickers.

This is because Rob has been around for a couple of business cycles. He’s seen change implemented, re-implemented, de-implemented, and implemented again. He’s tired and his resilience is low – he feels that change is a pendulum, and that people should just make up their damn minds and stick with something.

Well, here’s the thing…

The United States’ National Bureau of Economic Research states that since 1945 the average business cycle has been just less than six years. That length of time may also be impacted by your industry, budget issues, technology advancement, and general business trends.

So in other words, every few years the business world changes. And in order to be relevant in that world, an organization must change with it. The change the organization is implementing is probably the right thing, for right now. In a few years it may no longer be the right thing. So yeah. It might well be the flavour of the month, and there’s nothing wrong with that (unless an organization is making change for change’s sake – and that’s a whole different discussion.)

The trick is to implement the “new flavour” carefully, using change management best practices from the outset and communicating the “why and why now” message in the most effective way for the team.

If that’s all done correctly, then the answer to Rob is as easy as, “Yes Rob, it IS the flavour of the month. It’s chocolate. And it’s good.”

Until next time,

Ruth.

 

3 Steps to Better Networking

October 3, 2014Blog, , , , , , , , , , ,

We do quite a bit of networking for business here at Whiteboard.  It can be alot of fun, and it can be draining and frustrating.  Networking is a great way to build your business. An even more profound way to look at it is to imagine the people you meet as your sales team!  Instead of trying to sell YOUR product or service to everyone that you meet, what about learning about ways that the both of you can act as referral partners for one another?

BadNetworking-199x300It is painful to see how poorly networking can go if not done properly. Someone is selling you something you aren’t interested in, AGAIN! How do you find the RIGHT people to network with, and most importantly how do you break the ice with that person? (Any APP developers out there? I have a genius networking app I’ve been dreaming about…..)

Ruth and I consider Whiteboard to be that sweet spot between process improvement and leadership.  The same self-discovery coaching principle we teach to leaders and managers applies to networking. Good ice breakers help build the right connection, without you “selling” to them before you’ve built a relationship.  Networking is like coaching.  Get your network partner to self-realize that you are someone they should do business with.

3 Steps to Becoming a Power Networker

1. Tell me about…/Tell me more…

So often we get so excited about our business that we just go wild. Use these first two phrases to learn and discover more about the person you are talking to.  One of our WORST networking experiences is 3 days after we’d just gotten a new website, we met with a website developer who started an hour-long networking session telling us about how we should re-do our website.  Let’s just say Ruth had her director face on. She was not happy.  Or last week, when the divorce attorney asked us both within 30 seconds if either of us were married. Yuck.

Tell me about/ Tell me more about:your business, your clients, how you got started, your business partner, your employees, your personal life.

What ever YOUR angle is, get people to start talking! Pick a specific “nugget” and get them to tell you more. Actively listen for more nuggets so you can ask more questions.

2. That sounds a lot like XYZ….

images (6)Use this information to tell a SHORT brief story about how something in step 1, happened to you. Don’t go on-and-on.  And despite your brain DYING to tell this person how your business, idea, product will be perfect for them, take some time to go to step 3.

I’ve had a similar experience. Can I share a similar story with you?

You are building a RELATIONSHIP.  Not a buyer and seller interaction – but a real relationship with this person!

3. LEVERAGE & Ask more OPEN ended questions.

What are open ended questions?  Any question that does not yield a yes or no answer.

  • How is XYZ working for you?
  • What kind of feedback do you get on XYZ?

Take your nuggets and get them to ask you more.

This is also a great time to set the stage for a followup conversation (especially when you are at a networking event and want to speak to more people):

  • I would love to know more about you/your XYZ, When do you have some time next week to chat?
  • You’ve really got me thinking about you/your XYZ, and I’d like to pick your brain about it some more. When are you available?

Wait, Nicole got blogitis again, and  she forgot to tell me about the part where I get to pitch my business.

No, I didn’t.  You don’t get to pitch your business.  GASP. In fact, I’d like you to wait until they ask you the open ended questions about you and your business. Remember that people learn coaching techniques and networking techniques by observing others.  Be their role model.

And even when I am talking about our business, I’m still asking more questions that they may be a little more self interested in, like:  Tell me about process improvements that you have worked on? Tell me about how it worked? Tell me about the types of training that your company offers/delivers/has done in the past? How did it go?

And because we are like that, I made you a quick little Networking Planning Checklist so you can prepare for your next event. Good luck!

Networking horror stories? Did these tips help?  Let us know @whiteboardcons #Networking.

Stay tuned as we feature the speakers in our Leading Process Change Course for the next few weeks.  Learn more about the special expertise they bring to the table!

Until Next Time,

Nicole

How an Extrovert Became Introverted

August 22, 2014Blog, , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

How an Extrovert Became Introverted

I’m having an identity crisis. After years of being the world’s biggest extrovert (to quote one of my friends, who I do not believe was attesting to my outstanding theatrical ability , “…the most dramatic person I’ve ever met.”), I think I’ve become an introvert. Here’s the kicker.  I’m strangely not upset about it, given my historic distaste for those weird quiet folk. I might be actually sighing in relief and embracing my new me.

Our training curriculum on leadership, communication, relationship building, change management, and coaching focuses a great deal on both self-awareness and diagnosis of the personality and communications styles of our teams, peers, and colleagues.  To better how to understand others we must better understand ourselves (click to tweet). With this recent revelation on my newfound introversion, I am suddenly in a place to re-discover and understand my new self. After years of being horrified at the reserved, quiet, and thoughtful personas of my introvert friends because I couldn’t understand them, I suddenly have to be one. And maybe rather than my standard self-loathing/self-deprecating comedy routine, I can instead learn to leverage those introverted characteristics that I once loathed.

Extroverts have long been touted as great leaders, and in fact many introverts have adopted extrovert traits to better fit in to the traditional mold of extrovert-leaders. A plethora of management material focuses on how extroverts can better deal with introverts or how introverts can be more like extroverts.  But maybe just like me, the times are changing and we can embrace and leverage our quiet and thoughtful allies more strategically. introvert-vs-extrovert

Let’s Review: Introverts Vs. Extroverts

Extroverts

  • Outgoing
  • talkative
  • energetic
  • assertive
  • likes to lead
  • prefers group activities
  • derives energy from other people

Introverts

  • reserved
  • derives energy from solitary behaviour
  • enjoys activities alone or one-on-one (rather than in groups)
  • analytical/detail oriented
  • observe before participating/speaking
  • thoughtful
  • make up a smaller amount of the population
  • enjoy working independently

Managing the “others”

Exploit the Extroverts

  1. Let them lead.  As a former extrovert, please let us take the lead on something.  Please let us interact with ALL the people. Even if you cannot trust us to be the boss of everything, give us SOMETHING to manage.  Give us the OK to assert ourselves, burst with energetic excitement, and try not to drive everyone else nuts.
  2. Leverage their social credits.  Extroverts love to network – so let them.  Let them handle luncheons, breakfast networking meetings, boat cruises and so on and so forth. Then, go back to #1.

Invigorate the Introverts

  1. Let them think.  Let the early talkers talk. Let the opinions be heard.  And then invite the thoughtful response of the introvert be heard, when they are ready. Don’t assume just because they haven’t said anything yet, that there isn’t something brilliant lingering in there.
  2. Let them recharge.  Let them have time to re-coup and re-energize – alone.  Then, they are ready to go back to #1 and think some more.

Back to Me.

So what happened to me?  To be fair, there is still a great deal of extrovert lurking there within me.  Introversion and extroversion aren’t categorical, they are on a continuum.  Maybe I’m just visiting the introvert side for a bit?  Some theories suggest that introversion tends to express itself more as we age (like wrinkles and grey hair weren’t enough to worry about).  Others suggest that our needs at a certain time in our lives dictate our expression of these personality traits.  This makes sense, after 10 years of doing alot of independent desk work, I’m suddenly facilitating, teaching, selling, and networking 24/7 .  Previously I derived my energy from social activities. And now I derive energy from a day-ful of teaching, but need a Netflix marathon or four hours of obsessive reading of a certain Scottish Historical Fiction Saga in order to recharge.

After years of interrupting you to tell you about my story, I’m much happier listening to yours and silently judging you (JUST KIDDING!). Maybe I’m old. Maybe I’m tired. Maybe I’m “on” at work and need to be “off” the rest of the time.  Whatever the cause, I’m embracing the new me.  And embracing all those creepy quiet introverts I interuppted for the last 34 years. Sorry guys. I get you now. Want to share your introvert/extrovert transformation?  Talk to us on Twitter @whiteboardcons using the hashtag #introvertsarethenewextroverts #exploittheextroverts or #invigoratetheintroverts.

Until next time,

Nicole

Is Voicemail retro yet?

June 20, 2014Blog, , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Don’t Say the V-Word!!!!

Oh that’s right. I went there.  To me it is a dirty word.  No matter how much everyone tries to tell me it isn’t a big deal, I loath it.  VOICEMAIL.  My Dad and I bicker relentlessly about my inability to  listen to voicemail or return phone calls in general. My theory is if you need something – text me!

I believe that my dramatic fear of voicemail stems from two primary issues:

  • The first comes from a huge pet peeve of listening to people talking loudly on cellphones in public places.  I don’t care what streetcar you are on, what Anna did yesterday that infuriated you, or whatever you have to say loudly while on public transit. Once I was on a train and heard a woman tell her engagement story 12 times on the way to Montreal.  By time number thirteen I ripped the phone out of her hand and told the story verbatim to the frightened person on the other end myself.
  • The second is my “doer” thinking style.  Checking a voicemail just takes too long. I have to call a whole number, enter a password, and then contort my face against the phone to listen to you mumble “Hi it’s me. Call me back”?  It makes absolutely no efficient sense to me. Just send me a note and tell me what you need. It saves me 5 minutes in checking that voicemail, and the 5 minute call to find out what you needed – when I could have been using that time to DO what you needed me to do.download

So depending on your fears and needs, this blog has two themes – reducing voicemails and how to leave voicemails. Read on…

How to reduce annoying voicemails.

1. Always respond to voicemail-aholics with a text or email. People are somewhat trainable (I’m still working on my Dad).  If every time you write them back maybe eventually they will catch on and write you in the first place.

2. Don’t have an outgoing voicemail message or if that’s not possible tell people they will get a faster response by email or text.  See reasoning for #1.  Their fear of you not getting it will go one of two ways, they’ll email or hyper-call (that’s a whole other ballgame folks).

3. Accept the fact that sometimes voicemails are appropriate, necessary, or meet the thinking/communicating style of the other party.  Hey, soon enough voicemail will be “retro” it will be like getting snail-mail.  Embrace it’s retro-ness you hipster you.

4. Leave effective and efficient voicemails (see below).  Again, people are trainable and mimic good behaviour.  At least if you have to listen to one it will be painless.

How to leave voicemails (for the talk-aphobics).

1. State your name and where you are calling from at the beginning of the call.

“This is Nicole Dunn calling from Whiteboard Consulting.”

2. BRIEFLY state your connection and the objective of your call. This is where voicemails go wrong.  You don’t plan, you start babbling. You aren’t prepared and your message sounds like a bad Shakespeare soliloquy that’s difficult to hear and just plain annoying. Be clear with what you are looking for.  This allows the person to look into available

” Sam introduced us last week at the cocktail party. I’d love to set up a meeting with you next week to talk about business processes at ACME Temp Agency and am looking for your availability.”

3. Repeat your name and phone number TWICE (the second time more slowly). This helps if you are a mumbler, fast talker, or use Rogers and your phone cuts out for no reason whatsoever. It also helps if your listener didn’t have their pen ready.

“Again, this is Nicole Dunn from Whiteboard Consulting at 416-531-9889. That’s Nicole Dunn at 4-1-6-5-3-1-9-8-8-9.  Thanks kindly”.

Soon my pretties…soon voicemail will be like Kodak Moments, tranceparencies, mimeographs, and shoulder pads. A distant and funny memory of something from the nineties (Click to Tweet). For now let’s be kind and curious and placate our vehement voicemail users until it goes away.  When they come back, I’ll write an equally snarky blog about how to deal with people who are now “into” voicemails because they are retro.

Until next time! Tell us your voicemail woes @whiteboardcons using #ihatevoicemail.

P.S. How many weird phone calls and voicemails do you think I will get????