Tag Archive: Coaching

How to Be a Shirtless Jogger at Work

July 4, 2014Blog, , , , , , , , ,

It is possible that the title of this blog only resonates for those who live in the Greater Toronto Area. It’s also possible that with social

shirtless jogger

media and the global popularity of Rob Ford, that others are now familiar with the awesome Shirtless Jogger. But for those of you who aren’t, let me explain…

Toronto’s famous/infamous mayor, Rob Ford, returned from his stint in rehab this past Monday, June 30th. The next day was July 1st, Canada’s 147th birthday, fully of parades and flag waving and fireworks and BBQ’s and… a shirtless jogger.

At a parade in the Toronto neighbourhood of East York, 35 year-old Joe Killoran, a local teacher, experienced his 15 minutes of fame when he confronted the Mayor with questions to which Torontonians (most of them, anyway) want answers. Mr Killoran was out for a jog, it was a hot day, he was shirtless, he was bold, and the media captured it here.

Toronto Twitter exploded with the hashtag #ShirtlessJogger, and the national media picked it up and ran with it – the Globe and Mail called for more Shirtless-Jogger-Brand Outrage in Toronto.

That got me thinking…

How Can We Have More Shirtless-Jogger-Brand Outrage at Work?

Of course it’s not ok to shout and yell at work, and it’s probably not a good idea to be shirtless unless you’re a lifeguard. But the sentiment behind Mr. Killoran’s actions is that he was fed up and he wanted to be heard, so he saw an opportunity and did something about it.

One of the characteristics of office group behaviour is the tendency to agree with things when around a conference table, and then immediately dismiss or bad mouth them as soon as the meeting is over.

Have you ever seen someone do that? Have you seen groups of people chat away in the break room, complaining about something that was just announced, or about a change that is coming? Were they all nodding and supportive, or refusing to ask questions, while it was being announced? Did anyone actually do anything about it? This is classic passive aggressive behaviour, and it’s not only unhelpful, but can be destructive to office morale and productivity.

This is where the Shirtless-Jogger-Brand Outrage is required.

You can be the person to break the cycle of negative groupthink by being constructive, thoughtful, and open to discussion. This is your chance to openly question, present your concerns, and confront questionable (or seemingly questionable) actions in a thoughtful and helpful.

Once you decide to ask the questions and address the issues, remember that your leaders will appreciate your points much more if you:

  1. Ensure you are in a calm frame of mind. The Shirtless Jogger asked the right questions, and although he didn’t have much choice but to shout, it certainly won’t give you any credibility in the office. So think things through and make sure you’re in a conversational, not argumentative, state of mind.
  2. Be kind and curious. Make sure you have the facts, and where you don’t, ask questions rather than make assumptions.
  3. Plan your conversation. Doing this properly requires finesse and planning – it may even be an opportunity to “coach up“, and that ALWAYS requires planning.
  4. Make an appointment. Unless you find yourself in a spontaneous perfect situation for the discussion or, like Mr. Killoran, there’s simply no other choice but to rain on someone’s parade, it’s best to make an appointment.

Great leaders at all levels have an obligation to constructively question decisions in an open and respectful way. Once those discussions are complete and decisions are made, then the show must go on. Click to Tweet If there is no moral objection to the direction, then we must not only proceed with that direction but support it. Or we leave. It’s that simple.

Be a leader. Be the Shirtless Jogger and inspire change. Then tell us about it.

Until next time,

Ruth.

The Top 6 things your Boss should know about you!

June 27, 2014Blog, , , , , , , , , , , ,

The only way to build a successful high performing team is to understand what makes the individuals on that team tick. To reach that truly collaborative state of mind where the power of the group is greater than any of the individual contributors, and they all know it (and aren’t still competing for your attention) you need to understand those individuals better.    Feel like your boss doesn’t understand you or use your skills adequately? Feel like you don’t get why your team is functioning like a group of individuals and not a team?  Bosses – get coaching.  Individuals, start talking.

The Top 6 things your boss wants to know:3889389-boss-and-business-team-on-white-background

  1. Your career “story”:  Your boss has your resume and  was at your interview – so there’s some basic knowledge there, but what about the story behind it?  I started my career as a temp who was really good at sending out courier packages, better than any temp before me, so they hired me.  There’s alot more to the story, but it’s not a list of my accomplishments and my job skills – its the actual path I took to get there.  This is a great source of information for your boss to understand how you view career progression and how you demonstrate (or don’t) loyalty and engagement with the organization you work in.
  2. Your generational style ( how to communicate best with you):  Everyone and every situation is different.  What is the best form of communication for you? Email? Text? Face to Face, or god forbid (for me anyways), the phone?  Find out the best method of getting the point across in a wide array of situations to get the most out of your team.
  3. Your thinking style (what type of work should they delegate to you):  Are you a Doer, Dreamer, or Analyzer?  Is your skillset best in execution, creativity, or data analysis?  Tailor the work to the type of thinking style whenever possible to get the best results!
  4. Your conflict resolution style (how will you resolve conflict when it arises):  How your resolve conflict will determine your ability to deal with challenging situations in the workplace.  Do you confront and control conflict aiming to win? Do you compromise your needs in order to please others?  No one conflict resolution style is right for all situations, but learning to use each style effectively can yield optimal results.
  5. The 3 P’s: People, Projects, and Personal: The 3 P’s are the easiest way to effectively have a 1:1 with your boss.  You should be able to identify whether there are any conflicts, HR issues, staffing issues, interpersonal issues with anyone on the team, the status of your projects and work, and then is there anything going on personally that might impact your work.  This is a touchy one – this doesn’t mean a lengthy retelling of last saturday night’s escapades, but it may mean – my grandmother is sick in the hospital – I may have to leave early the next couple of days to deal with that.  Just giving you a head’s up.  This helps your boss plan and assign work better – like a boss.
  6. How you like to be rewarded/recognized:

Well, as it is the long weekend, I will leave you to ponder these top 6 things.  Are there more?  Bosses out there what else do you want to know?  Keep us in the loop @whiteboardcons #betterfastercheaper.

Until next week (Ruth will be back YAY!),

Nicole

 

After The Process of Coaching

June 13, 2014Blog, ,

This week Nicole and I had the privilege of delivering our first course offered to the public. Both of us are experienced trainers – over the years I have taught courses in the private and public sectors, to international audiences, to conferences-goers and to my team of employees. We keep our training skills current by delivering a variety of management courses to the Ontario Public Service via their Centre for Leadership & Learning, and to our clients.

But this was different.

Our followers know that Whiteboard Consulting celebrated its second birthday last March, and since the very first day we have been excited about offering courses to the general public. It takes time, of course, to build the connections and network of interested people and to determine the subject matter that will garner enough interest to make it worthwhile. So, needless to say, when we finally launched “The Process of Coaching,” we were pretty excited!

Screen Shot 2014-06-11 at 3.34.04 PM

Ruth (l) and Nicole (r) Teach the Process of Coaching

In two days we worked with 23 professionals from a variety of industries: telecom, technology, sales, automotive, insurance, healthcare, public service, agriculture, and real estate. So different, yet with such similar concerns! All of them wanted to know how to be better coaches at work – there were different reasons for this, but the goals were essentially the same.

One of the things that made our course unique was our afternoon of coaching simulations, designed to allow each participant to coach an “employee” (in reality, this was an actor well-versed in the subject matter, and able to respond to the individual’s coaching style and provide feedback). This is so valuable to participants, and they love it!

Six Concepts That Created a Flurry of Discussion

  1. The need for coaching crosses boundaries defined by industry, age, and leadership level. (Everyone needs coaching. Staff level, Manager level, and C-Suite. All industries. All the time.)
  2. People like to be coached. And once they know how to do it, managers love coaching. (It takes training, and it takes practice.)
  3. The number one reason organizations do not adopt a coaching culture is that IT’S HARD. (So hard. There is a knack, and it requires confidence and a certain amount of bravery.)
  4. The number two reason is that people believe it takes too much time. (In fact, once it becomes part of the culture, coaching is just something you do naturally, not something that has to be built into your list of tasks.)
  5. The ability to coach “across” and “up” in addition to “down” requires a foundation of trust. (And trust is achieved only when you have a mutual sense of integrity, ability to achieve results, and genuine concern.)
  6. Coaching styles must be adaptable to different generations, thinking styles, cultures, and behaviours. (It is up to the coach to adapt, not the coachee.)

A Rewarding Experience, All Around

Nicole and I almost always feel a sense of great reward when we finish training. Our students seem to identify with our somewhat non-traditional “style”, and the engagement we get energizes us like you wouldn’t believe. These courses were no different – our attendees were fun, interactive, and truly interested in the subject. We had some great conversations around barriers to implementing coaching, the trials and tribulations of passive aggressive behaviour, and how to find out more about an employee’s personal situation without being intrusive or offensive (The answer? Ask permission.)

Our attendees also had a great time and, based on our evaluations, got a lot out of the course. They rated us an average of 4.9 out of 5 on their satisfaction with the course, and 100% of them would recommend it to someone they know. Comments included:

I’m excited to use my newly developed skills – there are opportunities every day in my life.

I’ve never done simulations with an actor. It was awesome and I loved it!

The “lecture and practice” combo is very effective. I especially like that we spent the entire afternoon on practice.

Good tools for all levels of an organization.

It was a very encouraging and welcoming environment for those intimidated by the idea of simulations.

What’s Next?

Well, first I’m going hiking in Spain along the last 200 km of the Camino de Santiago, and Nicole is going to Vegas. After that we will begin planning our next course on “Unraveling the Mysteries of Process Improvement.” We’ll be offering this in September, so stay tuned for more information! We can’t wait…

I’d better start packing. So until next time,

Ruth.

Coaching Passive Aggressive Behaviour

May 16, 2014Blog, ,

Passive Agressive

We often teach coaching from the perspective of coaching to generational types, coaching to thinking types, coaching for difficult situations, coaching to give feedback, coaching to discover and build relationships – but recently we’ve explored the concept of coaching to behaviour types.

People love throwing around the words “Passive Aggressive”.  But what does it actually mean? Is it just a style? Is it bad? What are the repercussions of this style?

What does a Passive-Aggressive (PA) look like?

I had used the term before, and thought it was a way of exerting an aggressive emotion or feeling, but doing it in a nice way.  I never really saw it as a negative thing.  In fact I often categorized it with the ever so typical Canadian “Sorry.”  Someone bumps into me, and I say in that heartfelt Canadian accent “SOOrrry”.  Am I just super nice and subservient? Or instead of telling someone they are are jerk for bumping into me, am I hoping that jerk will feel bad that I said sorry (unnecessarily) and actually apologize to ME?

First let’s describe what this type of behaviour is:

Passive Aggressive behaviour is typically categorized as someone who expresses negative emotions in a seemingly positive manner.

  • Am I (or a member of my team) passive aggressive?
  • Do they use sarcasm regularly as a means by which to express their dissatisfaction with others’ behaviour?
  • Do they often agree to requests, yet less often fulfill their obligations?  (ie. procrastinate, fail to deliver, sabotage efforts)
  • Are they often forgetful, and use it as a scapegoat for fulfilling obligations? (i.e. often arriving late, losing items frequently, cancellations)
  • Do they take offense and become defensive or angry when their behavior is pointed out, believing it was the other person’s fault?
  • Do they use denial or evasive strategies when in challenging coaching discussions? (i.e. changing topics, using the obligations they forgot or procrastinated as a reason not to discuss the issue?)
  • Do they often feign misunderstanding? Arguments turn into a matter of semantics rather than the real issue at hand? (i.e. “Oh you mean you wanted that done today? I had no idea, you didn’t SAY THAT!” .)
  • Does their tone or behavior indicate anger, but their words say something completely different? (“I’m not mad!” – paired with distant or evasive behavior. This is the classic “Whatever” or “I’m fine” line that we toss around when we don’t want to get into a confrontation.)

If these sound familiar, you may have a passive-aggressive on your hands.  People with this behavior dislike expressing emotions honestly or confronting situations.  Often this cam be traced back to childhood where it may have been inappropriate to articulate dislikes and likes honestly.  Instead they please the audience with their words in an affirmative way (this is the passive part) and add behaviours (usually non verbal ones, like facial expressions) that seem to conflict with their words (this is the aggressive part). This behavior is very confusing to recipients who are hearing one message, and witnessing or experiencing another one altogether.  (Click to Tweet.)

Statement

Passive Part

Aggressive Part
“Whatever”. This is fine, I’m not concerned. Eye rolls and silent treatment to accompany the statement.
“I’m not mad”. I am not angry with you. I am mad, and I am not talking to you anymore as a result of it.
“You said that this was the MOST important thing to you. Now you are saying there are other important things as well?” I am repeating what you said to me, indicating active listening and compliance with your demands. Evading the discussion of the issue at hand, and focusing on an issue of semantics and clarity to defer and procrastinate from the issue at hand (prioritizing issues).

While this behavior is sometimes categorized as abusive, controlling, and manipulative – we take the approach that this is a habitual learned behavior that the PA may not be aware they are exhibiting (or the impacts it may have on recipients). Also, PA’s are good at this – and they see success (namely not having to confront) so their inclination is to keep doing what they’re doing. If we use our kindness and curiosity we can identify their fears, insecurities, and concerns and create a safe environment to express their emotions directly.

4 Tips for Coaching to Passive Aggressive Personalities

  1. Point out the behaviour (be consistent).  For example: You are telling me that you aren’t mad and I’m seeing you pull away. If you are angry let’s talk about why.
  2. Use contrasting statements (don’t/do) to indicate safety. For example:  “I don’t want you to think that I am going to be angry with you for being honest. I do want us to be able to talk openly and build our relationship.”
  3. Ask open-ended questions.  This is a classic coaching technique and the PA can often circumvent this line of questioning.  If you can, think about possible reasons that the PA is upset, and test it out. “Are you scared that I am going to be angry with you? Tell me about that?”
  4. Stay Calm and go back to step 2. PA’s are masters of their skill.  They are able to divert your attention to other issues causing the recipient to overreact. They may even exhibit pride in their ability to frustrate you. Stay calm and allay their fears and concerns.

Take the time this week to listen to yourself and others for passive aggressive behaviours.  See if you can’t be more assertive (in a kind and curious way of course) without fear of confrontation.  See if you can deal with a passive aggressive personality at work.  Tell us about your success with it @whiteboardcons #betterfasterandlesspassiveaggressive.

Until Next Time,

Nicole

You’re Not Excused!

April 28, 2014Blog, , ,

Last week Nicole and I had lunch with a C-level exec who really gets what it means to break down silos and share responsibility, and why it’s so critical for organizations to do so these days.

He also gets how hard it is to do (which is what we are helping with), and so our conversation turned to accountability, responsibility, and shifting spheres of influence.  What really stuck with me was his statement that for all managers, and particularly senior level leaders, the fact that another person or team has not finished their work does not excuse you from finishing yours. Click to Tweet

excused

In other words, what have you done to help that person be successful?

But It’s Not My Job

Fair enough. Everyone has their list of tasks, accountabilities, and priorities. And if you need an input from another person or department in order to do your job, and that input is late or worse, incorrect, then yes… you have a problem.

Old-school thinking says it’s ok to throw your hands up in the air and say, “sorry – I’m waiting for X.”

Progressive business thinking says, “you are not excused from this accountability. How have you made that person or organization’s processes better so they can do their jobs? What is your sphere of influence and how have you “used it for good?”

Coaching to Influence

Great business coaches are able to help people self-realize areas of opportunity. By asking the right questions and being kind and curious, the coach is able to direct the individual to the right solutions, and these solutions are much more likely to remain ingrained in that person’s thoughts and habits – because they came up with them on their own! (Or so they think.)

In the same way, a great leader can influence individuals and peers so that they improve their own deliverables.

Consider a leader who is waiting for a set of business requirements before she can begin to implement a set of operational practices. If she is practicing effective project management, then she will be aware that those business requirements are likely to be late and she can approach her peer in that area to see how she and her team can help.

At the senior leadership level this is particularly effective, as Directors and VPs are more likely to be able to rearrange resources as required to solve such a problem. Yet any leader can benefit from this approach.

“How can I help?” is the question that will get this influencing coaching conversation underway.

It’s time for more leaders to adopt this approach and understand that it behooves them to make their peers successful. By doing so, they themselves will be successful and so will the organization.

Everybody wins, really.

Until next time,

Ruth.

 

PS – want to be a better coach? Sign up for our course. Click here for info.

FAQ’s on The Process of Coaching’s Experiential Learning Module

March 28, 2014Blog, , , , , , ,

An interview with Peter Gardiner-Harding, Executive Director at playsthatwork

Peter-Gardiner-Harding_Bio_page1Many of you have asked about our Process of Coaching Course and what “experiential learning and simulations” as part of the second half of our day will be like.  We explained it in a recent post this way: After lunch, we’ll bring an actor in to “play”.  He will have a specific character, personality traits, and some previous past experiences built into his character.  And in this segment you get to do the hardest part of applying coaching tools – PRACTICE.  One-on-one you’ll get to work with the actor to go through the “Process of Coaching”.  Every once in a while we’ll “FREEZE” we’ll have the room give you some tips and suggestions, get feedback from the actor on how he’s feeling, and get feedback from Ruth and me.

I thought more about how best to explain it, and who better than the expert and experiential leaning guru himself? Our fantastic colleague at playsthatwork, Peter Gardiner-Harding (say that three times fast!), can share his thoughts on the subject?”  So earlier this week I had the pleasure of speaking with Peter (furthermore known as PGH) to gain his insights.

ND: So Peter, what IS experiential learning? How is it different than role-playing or simulation?

PGH: To me, role-playing is like a “let’s pretend”, and simulation is a subset of experiential learning itself, which is a way to experience learning with the mind and heart. (Click to Tweet) Participants are fully engaged – not playing a role with someone else.  They are doing the work in their own skin, with their own point of view, learning to integrate the new coaching skills into the way they coach. It’s here we use a professional actor who does the role-playing. The actor has the skills to portray a character and to deliver feedback so that learners have instant integration of their performance with their learning.

ND: How did you get into this field?

PGH: Although I started in business and became a CA, I was meant to be an actor. The combination of business and theatre is dramatic and meaningful, and I wanted to tell stories using my theatre and business backround together.

ND: Who gets the most out of these simulations?

PGH: The people who really thrive in this learning environment are those that are exceptionally emotionally intelligent, and self-reflective; people who are good at receiving feedback and seeking it.  They levitate in these situations! (Click to Tweet) Everyone can benefit, but these people are the ones who who discover the most about themselves. And I believe that anyone who deals with other people in their jobs can glean a lot from learning to coach – IT software developer, for example, can learn to empathize with their users.

ND: Why do people find it hard to coach?

PGH: I would say the biggest barrier to effective coaching is when the coach has their own set of outcomes that drive the agenda for the coaching conversation. Keeping the coach’s outcomes out of the conservation is the key, so that the employee can self discover. It’s very difficult to straddle that line.  You can have outcomes and coach; you just have to be transparent about them.

ND: What’s your favorite part of your job?

I love seeing people come away from a simulation having experienced a transformative “a-ha” moment, when they actually see themselves and the results they get differently, something about themselves that they never noticed before.  Some people have come away from simulations having changed their lives both professionally and personally.

***

We absolutely love working with playsthatwork. And we also love seeing the “a-ha” moments when people really “get” the process of coaching and how impactful it can be on their teams. We know our attendees will love the experiential portion of our Process of Coaching course and are really looking forward to delivering it. Click here to register today! (Early bird savings end April 30th.)

Want to learn more about the process of coaching and how we use experiential learning?  Give us a shout at info@whiteboardconsulting.ca/staging, or Tweet us at @whiteboardcons using the hashtag #processofcoaching.

We’re so excited to see you all there!

Until next week,

Nicole

Sneak Peek into “The Process of Coaching”

March 14, 2014Blog, , , , , , ,

Title

Title

This post is a short and sweet SNEAK PEEK into our: Process of Coaching course being offered on June 9 or 10 (register here) in the format of a FAQ!

Note there is an early bird discount of 10% (on the registration website) and a special BNI members discount of 20% (email us for details) so, if you like a deal (and who doesn’t?) – get a deal!

FAQ’s About the Process of Coaching

What is the target audience of this course?

The people who will get the most from this course are people managers.  Examples include supervisors, team-leads, managers, or directors that lead groups of people in the private or public sector. These leaders want to be just that – a leader, not just a manager.  They want to evoke a spark in their teams that will increase productivity, unleash skills, and create a great culture.

What exactly do you mean by “Process of Coaching”?

If you read our blog a lot – you know we love to talk about coaching (link, link, link).

We’re taking all of those tips, tricks, methods, and tools (along with more) and putting them into one simple process that you can apply to be a great coach every day.  The morning portion of the course we will be teaching you our Process of Coaching that helps to build effective and collaborative relationships built on trust.  This trust empowers multi-layered feedback and difficult conversations with accountability making sure that you get the most from your team.

What is Experiential Learning? Who’s this Kris guy?

Great question(s). If you come to our course you’ll learn why stacking questions isn’t a great idea! We will have a few blogs coming up over the coming weeks to give you more insight to the methods to our madness.  The first will explain why experiential learning is so effective with a one-on-one interview with Peter Gardner-Harding from Playsthatwork.  The second will be a blog feature on our fantastically famous actor, Kris Ryan, and learn a little more about Kris’ experiences with acting in a business setting like this.  After lunch, we’ll bring Kris in to “play”.  He will have a specific character, personality traits, and some previous past experiences built into his character.  And in this segment you get to do the hardest part of applying coaching tools – PRACTICE.  One-on-one you’ll get to work with the actor to go through the “Process of Coaching”.  Every once in a while we’ll “FREEZE” we’ll have the room give you some tips and suggestions, get feedback from the actor on how he’s feeling, and get feedback from Ruth and I– something you CANNOT replicate in real life! This is the most fun you will ever have in a business course, hands down (Click to Tweet)

What’s for lunch?

Excellent question. We haven’t decided yet, but rest assured, between two gluten & dairy intolerants (Ruth and I), and our vegan project assistant David Keyes, we’ve got you covered.  When you sign up, send us a note with any dietary restrictions and we will happily accommodate.

Why is the dress code business casual?

All of that real-live simulation means we need to be in an environment that means business.  So, when you arrive, you’ll notice our fantastic space at the Verity Club, 111d Queen St E, Toronto, ON M5C 1S2 (www.verity.ca) – you have no choice but to get right into a business mood with that buzzing modern business environment surrounding you.

Same goes for your outfit. Dress like you would when talking to your team at the office!

Where do I sign up?

Intrigued already? Sign up here to catch our early bird deal and join us for a fantastic day!

Join us in our on-going conversation about coaching and office culture on Twitter, Facebook, and LinkedIn!

And if you sign-up, let us know about it! (Click to Tweet )

Are you excited yet? We are!

– Nicole

 

 

 

New Course! – The Process of Coaching

March 10, 2014News, , , , , ,

 

Please note location change: Verity Club, 111d Queen St E, Toronto

Process-of-Coaching---Verity

We have been teaching and writing about how to be an effective coach for a while now, and are truly excited to announce that we are offering a full-day session on the topic in June.

If you manage people and you’d like to know how to be a better coach at the office, become more engaged with and respected by your employees, and learn how to coach “across and up” as well as “down”, then this session is for you! You will learn some new and useful concepts, and then have a chance to practice it with an actor who will play different employee characters during our interactive afternoon. It’s fun and it’s so helpful – we can’t wait for you to join us!!

The details:

  • Your choice of either June 9 or June 10
  • 8:30am – 5pm
  • (Please note location change) Verity Club, 111d Queen St E, Toronto, ON M5C 1S2
  • $595 plus HST per person
  • Earlybird savings of 10% if you book by April 30th
  • Lunch is included

Click here to register today! And if you have any questions, please do contact us.

See you in June!

Some quotes from our session in Chicago at last September’s Quality Expo:

Nicole and Ruth put on an amazing session at the 2013 Quality Expo. They work together very well and come across like good friends talking to you in a relaxed setting, all while conveying concepts that are some of the hardest to master in business. I guess that’s why they’re so good at “Process Improvement by Osmosis”, because they make the mastering of coaching so painless. I highly recommend. Glen Young, Engineering Manager, Pequot Tool & Manufacturing

Your session “Create a Process Driven Culture Via Coaching” was listed time and time again as the favorite of the conference. I really wanted to share that piece with you because it’s always great to hear that your work is well received. Keep doing what you two are doing, it’s clearly working. Heather Townsend, Project Coordinator, UBM Canon Conferences

Kindness & Curiosity in Coaching

February 10, 2014Blog

One of our most favourite things to do is to teach. And when teaching, one of our most favourite topics to cover is how to be an effective Coach at work. (We’ve coachwritten about it here, here, and here.) And when teaching about being a Coach, one of our most favourite concepts is that of “Kindness & Curiosity”. We consistently get feedback from our students that this way of coaching is transformative for them.

I remember learning about it from my Mum when I was a little kid. We were driving behind someone who was exceedingly slow, and she said “well, maybe her passenger has a pot of hot soup on her lap, and they’re taking it to someone who’s sick.” Another time, we were cut off by someone who was speeding and weaving, and she said “maybe his wife’s having a baby and he’s trying to get to the hospital”.

I know. Kind of far-fetched, but it could be true. And although it doesn’t make it right, it does give you some context and make you think.

The next time I was introduced to this phrase was by an executive coach. I was talking to her about a difficult situation I was facing in the office – a fellow Director had shouted at me in a public place about something she believed one of my employees had done. I was taken aback and reacted quite defensively. My coach said to me, “Ruth, what kind of day, or week, or life must this woman be dealing with that makes her act like this?” And then she said the phrase I have never forgotten:

Kindness and curiosity leave no room for anger and resentment.

Oddly enough, the same situation presented itself again only a week later. With the same person. Instead of reacting, I looked at her and said in an even tone, “how can I help you with this?”

It was like I poured a bucket of water on her. She stopped, looked flustered, and completely changed her tone. She was still angry, but she was able to be conversational. (I later found out she was facing serious personal problems. It wasn’t my job to coach her on her behaviour, but it was my responsibility to respond professionally. Being kind and curious allowed me to do that. Oh, and believe it or not, we are now friends.)

How to Make It Work in Coaching

Ok, so you get it. But maybe you’re thinking, how is this any different than “do unto others” – you know, being nice to people is important, and when we coach people we should be nice. coach1

It’s a little different. The Golden Rule says we should treat others the way we would want to be treated. In coaching this applies because we should treat each other with respect, dignity and fairness.

On the other hand, the principle of Kindness and Curiosity applies specifically to a person’s natural tendency to make assumptions and jump to conclusions which may frame our approach and our words. It allows us to step back and stop from taking things personally, which allows us to “take the high road” and hopefully direct the conversation in a constructive manner.

So the next time you have to coach an employee in a difficult or confrontational situation, be kind and curious. It will keep you from getting angry and resentful, and your coaching session will be much more productive and effective.

I’d love to know if you give it a shot – let me know how it goes!

Ruth.

PS – watch for our public course on coaching, soon to be scheduled. Hopefully this spring!

Help me stop micro-managing!

August 16, 2013Blog

A close friend of mine recently became a senior manager. After telling me a few stories, he looked at me with a horror stricken face and said – “Am I a micro-manager? I promised my team I wouldn’t do that! How do you be a loved boss and a good boss at the same time?”

Well first things first, let’s look at what micro management means and what it might look like in real practice. Not sure if you are a micromanager or not? Try a quiz online here.

micro

What is micro-managing?

to manage especially with excessive control or attention to detailsmi·cro·man·age verb \ˌmī-krō-ˈma-nij\
transitive verb

intransitive verb

to direct or conduct the activities of a group or an enterprise by micromanaging them

A culture of micro-management in an organization is usually characterized by lack of engagement, stifled creativity, low employee autonomy, a reactive “fire-fighting” culture, and in all likelihood stressed-out managers!

Micro-management has financial effects too, including:

  • increased turnover (and subsequent re-hire costs)
  • reduced customer satisfaction
  • reduced employee engagement and productivity

Employees usually describe instances of micro management as the leader:

  1. adding periods, commas, and colons obsessively on a brilliant strategic document, without any constructive feedback on the content,
  2. checking in compulsively every day on a project that takes months to complete, or even worse,
  3. taking over a document, re-doing it completely without taking any input from the employee and then submitting it to senior management.

Now despite having all the best intentions of not being a micromanager, how does it happen?

Reasons for micromanaging

  1. Lack of time: Quick deadlines, less time to review documents and materials means that sometimes the manager has little choice to provide coaching and feedback, and ends up re-doing the
  2. Need for control: Sometimes previous experience has led managers to be hyper-sensitive to back feedback from senior leaders, and the only way to control it is, doing it themselves.
  3. Lack of confidence in staff: Sometimes previous poor performance from staff, or absorbing a new team or new employee can lead to micromanagement. In the case of the latter, micro-management might be a good thing.

Strategies to Tackle the Micro-Managing Monster!

  1. Give clear direction and state your expectations. At the onset of a task, assignment, or project, be clear about the objective, and how you envision the end product. Now is the time to re-iterate previous feedback and come up with an approach for the project together.
  2. Take Time. Make sure that you have adequate time to coach and provide feedback and involve an employee in revisions and changes – when you are rushed you might be tempted to take it on yourself just to get it done the way you want it on time.

Are you a self-professed micro-manager? Have a great story about a micro-manager? Share it with us! Give us a shout via Twitter @whiteboardcons using #betterfastercheaper or email us at info@whiteboardconsulting.ca/staging.

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