Monthly Archive: October 2017

How to Tell Peter, “No Raise for You”

October 31, 2017Blog, , , , , , , , , ,

Season Two, Episode Two. Podcast recap! (And if you missed the podcast, you can find it here.)

Podcast Recap: Season 2, Episode 2

This episode we focused on telling poor imaginary Peter that he didn’t get that raise he was expecting. “No raise for you Peter!”

Why is it so hard? It should be pretty logical, right? Wellll, not always.

It’s a Touchy Subject

Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs

Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs tells us why the issue of pay raises, salaries, or compensation of any kind is especially difficult to address with people.

A person’s total compensation package is highly personal and strikes right at the heart of an individual’s ability not only to provide physiological needs for him/herself and his/her family, but also to build their own self-esteem, and to feel valued and worthwhile.

Essentially, you are impacting a person’s most basic and psychological needs.

It’s for this reason that you have to tread lightly when responding to someone who is angry about money. As you can imagine though, we strongly suggest you DO have that conversation. Why?

So many reasons.

  1. It’s respectful.
  2. It engages people.
  3. It builds your trusting relationship with that person.
  4. It sets expectations for the future.
  5. It’s just the right thing to do.

Peter Didn’t Get the Raise He Expected

Yup, back to poor Peter. In our last blog we focused on how to give Peter impactful (and kind) feedback about the quality of his work. Now we are faced with telling Peter that he is not getting the raise he wanted, either because he suddenly stormed into your office to discuss it, or because it’s part of your yearly salary or performance management conversation.

So what do you do?

  1. Say the hard thing. Be clear and specific.
  2. Be quiet and wait for the response.
    • You’re hoping they will say, you’re right. What can I do to improve?
    • It’s also possible they will be super angry.
  3. If they’re angry… well, read on.

Let’s say in this case, Peter is really angry. so, you give him all the logic of why he got what he did, what the protocol was, and explain things in very detailed words. All better, right?

No. Not right.

When we’ve talked about the Change Curve with clients and students, we’ve highlighted that when people are angry, they simply can’t hear you. Your best bet is to simply listen and let them vent.

The simple act of Listening is respectful, engaging, and HARD. Often people are taken back by anger and feel attacked and tempted to respond in kind.

So our tip for you today, to help you metaphorically throw the bucket of water at the anger, is the LESTER tool.

LESTER

LESTER is a great mnemonic to help you remember the steps when being confronted with anger in the workplace.

  1. Listen: Take a minute to breathe, and then just listen. Let the person vent, ask them clarifying questions, maybe even use “Tell Me More,” and listen. Really listen. Be engaged and be present. (Peter, tell me what’s got you so upset.)
  2. Echo: Clarify what you heard them say. It’s possible that, from all the venting, you will pull out the wrong issues or misunderstand what Peter said. (Ok Peter, it sounds like you are frustrated about the amount of your pay raise, and also – maybe even mostly – a little surprised by it. Have I got that right?)
  3. Sympathize: (Or perhaps Empathize, which messes up the mnemonic, but whatever…) Recognize their frustration. Tell them you can see their anger. Do NOT say “I’m sorry you feel that way,” which is passive aggressive and only makes people feel worse. Just let them know that you heard them and you can understand that they are upset. (Well I can see that your upset, and I can imagine how frustrated you must feel.)
  4. Thank: Yup, that’s right. Thank them for letting you know. It’s as simple as saying, “thanks for coming to me.” This ensures that people will continue to come to you, which is what you want as a manager. It’s way better than having people complain about you at the water cooler. The only thing that does is ensure you never have your finger on the pulse of the team. (Thanks for coming to me. I appreciate it.)
  5. Evaluate: Now you want to work on solutions to the problem. It might mean you change a decision or a policy, or it might mean that you discuss things in advance, or it might mean working on ways for Peter not to be so surprised in the future. (Well, let’s talk about how to make sure you’re not taken by surprise next time. You know the pay cycle and the policy for it. How can we work together so that you get what you’re expecting?)
  6. Resolve: This final step is just about repeating any agreed on actions as the person walks out the door. (So what we are going to do is set quarterly reviews to talk about your performance. You’re also going to work on your report-writing skills, and I’m going to set you up with some job shadowing. Sound good?)

This whole conversation can happen in five minutes. The more you practice, the easier it gets not only to avoid escalating, but also to actually de-escalate and build the relationship.

Give these tips a try, let us know how it went on Twitter at @whiteboardcons and check out the rest of our podcast series on our homepage at www.whiteboardconsulting.ca.

Until next time,

Ruth.

How to Tell Peter His Work Was, um, Crappy

October 24, 2017Blog

Season Two, Episode One. Podcast recap! (And if you missed the podcast, you can find it here.)

We are so excited to launch Season Two of our podcast this week! Get ready for a whole series dedicated to discussions related to “Difficult Conversations,” with tips, tricks, and tools to help you navigate those situations instead of avoiding them altogether.

In Episode 1 we focus on the awkward task of giving someone critical or constructive feedback. 

Podcast Recap: Season 2, Episode 1

How many times have you been in a situation where you’ve had to tell someone they didn’t do a great job on something, and you wished with the power of a thousand fiery suns that you could avoid the whole thing? Perhaps you DID avoid it and it kept happening anyway?

The funny thing is that most of us crave feedback. We want to do well, to grow and improve, and to feel competent, useful and valuable.

So why is it so hard to give feedback?

Trainingzone reports, “Feedback is difficult because it stands at the juncture of two human needs – the need to be loved and accepted for who we are and the need to improve and be better than we are.”

We think that’s spot on, and believe that FEAR is found at the juncture mentioned above. Fear of upsetting or angering someone, fear of being caught in an argument and having no “comeback,” fear of not achieving the desired result, or worse – fear of making things worse.

Our podcast focuses on overcoming that fear by learning methods that can help you be more effective at giving critical or constructive feedback.

Level One: Can I Tell You Something?

You are busy. Everyone is busy. The word of the day/week/year is busy. We get it. Who has time to be all nicey-nicey and make everyone feel good? You received a report, you reviewed it, it’s not very good, and you just need the writer to fix it.

You could stop by his desk and say, “Peter, I read the report. You’ve missed a couple of important details, and also the formatting is wrong. Please fix it and get it back to me by end of day.”

There’s nothing technically wrong with this. You even said please. But is it the best way?

Now let’s walk in Peter’s shoes. He’s also busy. He just got off a conference call, he got fifteen emails in the last thirty seconds, and his wife, who is home with a new baby, just texted him to call as soon as he has a chance.

He’s super distracted, and when you come by and interrupt his train of thought, he says, “Oh yeah sure, no problem.” He then calls his wife as you walk away, and relates to her how his micro-managing boss just stopped by and he has to go. Then he opens up the report and has no idea what he’s supposed to fix because he can not remember what his boss said.

Now what if you had said the following instead:

“Hey Peter, I know you’re super busy. Can I tell you something? Have you got a sec?”

In this situation, Peter is much more likely to look up from his email and look at you. He will probably answer with a much more clear and understanding response, and will maybe even take a note or two before calling his wife.

Using the phrase, “Can I tell you something?” is an automatic trigger to stop what you’re doing, look up, and listen. It signals to the listener that something important is about to happen, and they need to pay attention.

It works. And takes two seconds out of your day.

Level Two: “How Did That Go?”

Ok, so Level One is your base. It’s the bare minimum that you should do if you absolutely do not have time for a full conversation, and while it may not be entirely engaging or coaching for improvement, it will be effective in setting expectations.

The problem with Level One is that it’s directive, and doesn’t ensure that Peter will not repeat the same mistakes the next time he has to write this report.

Level Two adds a coaching element by first asking the person to self-discover what could have been done better.

How About This Instead?

You have a couple of minutes so you ask Peter to pop by your office. He sits down, and after pleasantries you say, “Hey Peter, I got your report and read it through. Thanks for sending it last night. How did that whole report-writing process go for you?”

Peter, who as we know is busy, says, “Fine. Yeah it was good. It took a while to get started, and I was so tired when I finished it last night. The baby isn’t sleeping, and I figure I rushed the end. But I wanted to get it to you.”

You have been dying to say, “the conclusion of the report is CRAP and by the way what happened to our brand format!” and apparently Peter knows it too. So instead you say, “Yeah, I noticed some gaps in your conclusion. And, can I tell you something?”

Peter snaps to attention, because “Can I tell you something?” does that to people.

“The formatting needs some work too. Have a look at sections two and three – they are completely different and off brand. Can you please fix this and get it back to me by end of day?”

Peter knows what he did. And now he knows that you caught him at that and a couple of other things, and it’s unlikely he will do it again.

Level Three: ASBI

The ultimate feedback tool is the ASBI methodology, which comes from the book “Giving Feedback to Subordinates,” by Dana McDonald-Mann and Raoul J. Buron. While we don’t love the title for how hierarchical it sounds, it has some excellent ideas and tools, including ASBI.

How often have you either given or received feedback that sounded like this:

  • Hey, great job on that report!
  • I’m not happy with the way you handled the project.
  • Thanks, your team did really well.
  • You need to become a dynamic speaker!

These phrases are better than nothing, of course, and they could be even better if they were more specific. What was great about the report (so I can do it again)? What about the project did I handle incorrectly (so I can fix it)? What did my team do well? What do I need to do to be a more dynamic speaker?

The ASBI tool is short and sweet and allows you to give essential feedback that is clear and helpful, and allows the listener to process and respond.

Here’s how ASBI works:

A = Ask for Permission (Can I tell you something?)

S = Describe the Situation (I was in the Finance Committee meeting yesterday for your presentation.)

B = Describe the Behaviour (I noticed that you tended to read from the screen with your back to the audience.)

I = Describe the Impact (When you did that, it seemed that you didn’t know the material very well, and that you weren’t interested in engaging the crowd in a dynamic way.)

Then be quiet.

This last step is so important. It’s tempting to fill the awkward silence with chatter because we feel badly for just giving someone critical or constructive feedback. When we do that, not only do we we take away the listener’s ability to process and think of their response, but we also confuse the message.

In most cases, the person will listen, ponder, and then respond – perhaps in many different ways. Be prepared for that!

And in all cases, the listener will know exactly what you meant, and what the impact was of their behaviour. This is the only way for them to be able to both correct behaviour AND maintain a good working relationship with you.

Next on the Podcast

We will continue our discussion on Difficult Conversations by talking about how to deal with someone who’s angry!

Stay tuned for that, and please let us know if you have any questions or ideas by sending us an email at info@whiteboardconsulting.ca. You can also follow us on our social media: